What can replace the giant-size hole the lockout has left in your life? Your franchise has fielded one of the most dominant starting lineups in history. Your current talent-soaked roster, loaded with championship expectations, lures the NBA’s best attendance to the nation’s second city. Mazel tov. You have the good fortune to be a MANCHESTER UNITED fan, current and perennial champions, sponsored by Chicago-based reinsurer Aon.
For those Boston Celtic fans:
You live and die for a tradition-rich franchise with a rabid fan base in an Irish-tinged city. Your team’s legend was cemented by the glory of the 1980s, though the 21st century has been less kind, delivering just a single taste of meaningful silverware. Seventeen championship banners and 21 retired numbers waft over the floor. You are born to be a LIVERPOOL fan. Swap Lucky the Leprechaun, the mascot purveyor of high-flying dunks, for the toothy alacrity of Luis Suarez and the teams are basically interchangeable.Or maybe a Nets fan:
Your team is relentlessly crap. Will a change in ownership and the promised land of new digs (obtained in slightly controversial fashion) make a difference? No chance. Congratulations. You are a WEST HAM fan. Born to be Claret and Blue. Ever hopeful, yet always cruelly denied.Portland Trailblazers anyone:
You have a nasty case of Blazermania — a love so blind it compels you to bellow for your team, whatever the result. As one of the most rabid fan bases in pro sports, you are born to be a NEWCASTLE UNITED fan. Few teams mean more to their fans, despite giving them so little in return. In the same vein as Portland’s “Jail Blazers,” the law has often presented more of a challenge for Newcastle than opposing teams. But an injection of talent has transformed results, and Geordie fans, fueled by multiple pints of Newcastle Brown Ale, are living proof that few acts are more joyous than cheering for your local team.Finally, maybe you are a Lakers fan:
Simply put: We have had too many e-mails from Lakers fans begging “not to be Chelsea” to not make you CHELSEA. Lakers Nation, you doth protest too much: Your winning tradition has been soiled by an arrogance which, real or imagined, has caused you to be roundly despised across the league. You have a young coach attempting to gain the respect of a veteran squad, led by a soft Spanish big man and an aging Kobe, who could be any one of Chelsea’s graying superstars — John Terry, Frank Lampard, or Didier Drogba — attempting to substitute experience for pace.
So enjoy your new team, NBA fans. And pray that at least some season is still left by the time the negotiating ends. Although every thing I read says that the Cavaliers owner (along with several others) thinks he will make more money if there is no season at all. Doesn't sound good. Now what do we do to take the place of eleven Bulls games this winter?
I'd like to hear what Mike feels about having to be a Man U fan (according to this designation). I've got a guess: angry.
ReplyDeleteThat Nets one is pretty funny.
Not a fan. I understand the deal, but I still don't like that he based the comparisons off this year only. Man U would not go through Marcus Fizer / Eddy Curry years. Current and perennial champs huh? Several of the descriptions are downright backwards. Comparing the Lakers to a team with absolutely no meaningful history who have been relevant for less than ten years seems a little crazy. I liked Bill Simmons take a bit better when he was choosing a team:
ReplyDeletehttp://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/060719
I read and enjoyed Simmon's article you posted and appreciate the in-depth look he gave to European soccer. It was a little skewed by the fact that everything he thinks about is filtered through his Red Sawks mentality. Thought for a second I was listening to Kornheiser. But enough info given that maybe I can make an educated guess about who to root for among the other footballers. Thanks.
ReplyDelete